The HCS Grandparents Hour
by Joline Godfrey
A recent article in The Economist (1/12/23) closed with this description of a grandparenting experience:
“...In the summer, the grandkids stay at their grandparents’ summer house, swim in the lake, and drink lemonade in a tree house. They clamour to do the same thing every year. Ms. Paues says her father instils values such as respect for others. ‘He doesn’t need to talk about it, he does it by being himself. He teaches them that their opinions matter, because he listens to them.’ She concludes: ‘As a child, you need more grown-ups than just your parents.’”
It’s a story of an idyllic childhood experience that brings back memories of my own grandparents. None of my grandparents or great grandparents (I was rich with grands well into my tween years) were easy people. In retrospect I realize they were complicated people living out lives of which I was largely unaware. But I remember them, to a one, as people who offered respite and acceptance. My parents were serious about work ethic, learning, and at least a minimal level of discipline. The grands, on the other hand, thought their eldest grand and great-grand daughter was already perfect! Though I was well aware of my shortcomings (a quick glance around my messy bedroom in those days was evidence enough), I was without flaws when I crossed over the grandparents' thresholds. Their homes were a luxury of acceptance and serenity for a strong-headed little girl.
Family life is complex. Even in the least neurotic, most loving families, the parent/child relationship can be fraught, as grown-ups try to nurture young children into maturity and children push back against the civilizing effect of parenting. Grandparents, relieved to be done with that struggle, may offer an island of freedom and peace. And though intermittent and brief--children gain the experience of a separate reality, a break from the work of growing up. Grandparents can be "compassionate coaches,” Judy Blume-like in their non-judgmental acceptance of grandkids foibles; wise to the likelihood their grandkids will, eventually come of age and "be all right.”
And if that was ALL grandparents provided, it would be a bonanza for kids (the term used loosely to include teens and young adults). But modern grandparents, educated, travelled, well connected, wise and still energetic, offer so much more. Emily Dickinson wrote, “My friends are my estate.” Grandparents are for their grandkids the social capital—the estate-- that enriches life in unaccountable ways. That doesn’t mean the relationship is always easy, or even fun. But the added dimensions of wisdom, experience, and connectedness, even in small doses, are benefits absorbed into the life and personality of the emerging child/adult.
The Grandparents Hour
There are at least two dozen grandparents in the extended HCS family, representing a wealth of social capital. To tap this remarkable wisdom and experience a new program has been launched that brings together intersted grandparents to explore topics like:
What is the role of grandparents in the context of Wealth 3.0?
How to navigate the parent/grandparent roles?
What do grandkids need and want in the grandparenting relationship?
How do grandparents transcend the challenge of children who’s primary interaction is digital?
What legacy do grandparents want to leave their grandkids and how do they do it?
What does it mean to spoil a grandchild and what’s the problem?
We will meet quarterly, in zoom and/or some live gatherings, occasionally with world class experts and with one another. In the meantime, grandparents may want to listen to one or more of these podcasts, exploring the roles and experiences of grandparents in the digital age.
